Resolutioners

Tonight I went to the gym and there were approximately 14 people working-out.  It was wonderful.  My favorite machine was open.  Because of the lack of body heat, the temperature was a cool 68.  It was pleasant.

I do realize, however, my fabulous work-out conditions are about to drastically change come January 1st.  New Year's Day.  The day when people make resolutions.  Those people I affectionately (most of them time, it is affectionately) refer to as "Resolutioners."

I'm not a huge fan of New Year's resolutions.  I like to make my resolutions in June or July. 

Well, these New Year's Resolutioners are going to invade my gym and use my favorite machine.  I know.  It happens every year like clockwork and 2013 is going to be no different.

I have some ideas that I think are pretty much genius. 

Idea #1:  Require the Resolutioners to work out at a set time where they will be surrounded by other Resolutioners.  You know, it must be disheartening for the Resolutioners to come try out the elipptical and only be able to work-out for 10 minutes tops while Lauren and I work-out for 30 solid minutes.  I think we are intimidating.  If the Resolutioners stuck together and worked-out at an appointed time, it would boost their morale.

Idea #2:  Why not have a Resolutioners Only Gym?  I mean seriously...you could rent out a warehouse and charge the Resolutioners a $50 start-up fee and then $20 per month.  I'm pretty sure there are some gyms that are collecting fees from people who aren't really working-out.  And Idea 2a - charge them an enormous cancellation fee.  Most people don't read the fine print and I am pretty sure if you hand them a Little Debbie product, they will be more inclined to blindly sign away their life.

Idea #3:  Hire the Little Debbie rep or maybe Fannie Mae to "greet" the Resolutioners with a box of chocolate and some sappy movie...maybe Sleepless in Seattle or PS I Love You.  Carbs and sugar...those Resolutioners will cave.

Again, it's not that I don't appreciate the time and energy Resolutioners put in to creating New Year's resolutions.  Kudos to them.  But seriously, please, please, please, find another gym...