Happy birthday to my wonderful brother!!!!

Forty-one years ago I became a sister.  This was the best gift ever.
My brother is forever my favorite.
He has protected me and fought for me.  
He inspires me with his steafastness.
He is loyal to his friends.
He is kindhearted.
He is an amazing human being.

Happy birthday fabulous brother o' mine.  

Fresh cut flowers

My brother likes fresh cut flowers.
When he lived in Hudson, every time I would visit, he would've taken the time to pick-up a fresh cut bouquet for his kitchen table. 

Yesterday I bought some daisies and purply daisy-ish flowers and 1 green hydrangea stem.  I bought them for my dining room table.  Every time I see them, I think about Chunk and pray for him. 

A 6' hole in my heart

I will never understand people who say, "I don't do hospitals."  Really?  You don't DO hospitals.  I am guessing somewhere around 90% of people don't DO hospitals either.  If more people DID hospitals then they should market seasonal hospital passes like Disneyland.

I don't DO hospitals yet when my friend's daughter had critical back surgery, I went not because in this life - LOVE DOES.

When my friend's nephew had a seizure and was on the pediatric ICU, I went not because it was a joy to be there but it was HEART-FILLING to be with these dear friends and hold their hands as we walked down the hallway to see sweet Aidan.  LOVE DOES and in doing it fills you up. 

Life is not some sunshine and rainbows.  There are storms and pain and heartache.  God uses the storms of life much like spring storms.  They help cleanse and even refine and rip everything out from under you so you STAND FIRM.

God is good.  He knows. He cares. 

On Saturday I intend to board the Amtrak train for Jackson, Michigan.  It is my sincere heart's desire to see my sweet brother and tell him how much I love him.  In his current state, he may choose to bot see me.  And it's not because he is mean or irate but rather because his brain is not working properly.  I am going not because hospitals are fun but because LOVE DOES.  I choose Chunk.

My Brother

Today I pray...
"Lord Jesus, would You please heal my brother.  I relinquish my rights to ask You for the 'how' because I trust You and Your beautiful plan for Chunk's life.  Thank you for the 40 years that I had the privilege of being his Sis.  Thank You that You intertwined our lives.  Thank you for the precious memories.  Thank you for the place in my heart that is Bryan-sized.  I know that in ALL things You are good.  You love my brother more than me.  You know what is going on inside his head and You are in the details.  I am sorry for my selfish desires to have him healed on earth if that's not Your will.  I leave my cares and worries about Bryan with You because You know...You care...and You Love us.  In Your beautiful name I pray, Amen."

May 7th

One of the funnest things Bryan and I used to do was meet in Michigan City, Indiana and spend the day together.  It was pretty much halfway between me and Chunk.

On our last time spent there, we found a refurbished 3-story convent turned thrift.  THREE WHOLE STORIES!!!!!!  I remember Bryan asking me, "Did Sisters really live here, Angie?"

Bry found some dishes and I nabbed a cute wraparound, very June Cleaver-ish navy & coral dress.

Today as I put it on, I prayed asking God to restore my sweet brother to himself but if not, of God's will is not that, to put me and my family in His grace bubble to get through this storm. 

31

What did I do with myself from Friday at 10:00 to Saturday at 5:00 p.m.?  Thirty-one hours.  The short version is - I traveled 610 miles in my Corolla.  The long version is.......

Left Rockford at 10:00 a.m. on Friday and drove to Adrian, Michigan

Landed at the coffeeshop where I ordered a decaf white chocolate mocha made with coconut milk

Went to the Goodwill

Met my dear friend and her fabulous 4-year old for supper

Supported the local Christian bookstore

Did a little Nancy Drew-ish investigating

Spent the night in the country...I forgot how lovely NO traffic sounds.  The sky was pitch black and the stars were amazing.

Went to best breakfast-making establishment in Hudson

Cried when the waitress said, "Hi Bryan!"

Sisterly interrogated my sweet brother...and I may have said, "I have a mug full of coffee and I'm pretty sure refills are free.  I have all day so why don't you tell me exactly what happened..."  I did not really have all day and good heavens - should I have a day's-worth of coffee refills?  Show of hands who thinks this is a good idea?

God graciously gave me an answer to  a question that has been weighing heavy on my heart.  With that answer comes a responsibility for me to act upon it.  God is faithful.  The info has been electronically transmitted to the authorities and to other answer-worthy individuals.

Told my brother I love him and hugged him goodbye.

Headed to a very cute store locally-owned store that I absolutely adore.  I restocked my 2018 project box.  

Got on the road headed back to Rockford.

Traffic was smooth sailing and somewhere around South Bend Nancy called...and an hour later, I said to her, "Oh my word, where am I?"  LOL!  That's what happens when we talk and I let Marge (my GPS) connect through my headset.  Marge just says, "Take the next right" and then Nancy picks-up her crazy story and all of the sudden I'm on 294 headed towards IKEA.  Not literally IKEA but IKEA is near the merging point of 294 and I-90 so I call it the way of IKEA.  

I exited at Randall Road and went straight to JoAnn's.  That particular store is HUGE!!!!  I meandered through in search of a) a restroom (let's just be honest); and b) some clearance yarn for Nancy.  Thankfully  a) was located; b) was not.  I did manage to get some on-sale coral scrubby yarn!  A little self-control goes a long way...

After the craft store, I went to Trader Joe's to continue stretching my legs.  I love this grocery store.  

My next stop was going to be the Randall Road Goodwill but with the snow-ish looking clouds, I decided to skip the Goodwill and head home.  Clearly skipping the Randall Road Goodwill is HUGE!  Those of you who know me and love me know that I heart this Goodwill.  Next to Janesville's Goodwill, I'm pretty sure this Goodwill is my 2nd fave.

After not stopping at the Goodwill, traffic sailed right along.  Rosie got me home but the poor thing had 18 miles to out of gas so we took care of that right away and then I went home and unloaded my stuff.  

I'm so very grateful that in the last 31 hours the Lord watched over me as I traveled a total of 610 miles.  He interspersed little snippets of grace along my way...supper with a friend...a free coffee...an unexpected extension of hospitality...numerous text messages while I waited with a heavy heart...a cup of coffee with my brother...a trip through the craft store...a voicemail from a friend...several Facebook messages...

God is in the details of our lives if we would just stop and look around.  He's there.  He's there at every turn.  I saw His glory in the beauty of the country night sky and the stars He made.  I saw Him in the kindness bestowed upon me by the waitress at the little restaurant.  He's there when He prompts a friend to call you and ask how you are doing.  

Sharing the burden

Tonight after the sappy chick flick we indulged in, Trudy read several texts that have been heavy on my heart.  In her reading them and commenting to me, it was as if the burden was shared.  Like she came alongside me and helped me carry it.

I am blessed by her friendship.

Since October...

I've been nervous about blogging about life since October.  Isn't that just ridiculous?  I guess a part of me realizes that blogging about this journey God has put me (and my family) on will make me (us) vulnerable.

The past couple of weeks the Lord has put this on my heart to blog about this journey because we are not the only ones going through this type of situation.  Yes, it's my (our) journey but I (we) am not alone.

I'd like to begin this post by thanking God Almighty for coming alongside of me (us) and taking my (our) hand...walking beside me and upholding me.

God has put some very dear people in my life that have kept tabs on me...that have supported my parents...that have cared A LOT about my sweet brother.

In October my brother underwent a conundrum of sorts. 

On a Sunday evening when I normally turn off my cellphone at circa 9 p.m., God mercifully kept me awake later than usual...and He through a miracle in-and-of-itself worked out every detail so that my cellphone would be left on later than usual.  He gave me the wherewithal to contact my dearest friend who was brave enough to call complete strangers and ask them for a favor.  These same strangers opened up their house to my brother.  Angels surrounded my brother's car as he maneuvered it to said friends' home.  Through another serious of amazing events - God brought my brother to a place where he could get care.  

The events that surrounded Columbus Day 2017 will forever be a memorial in my heart of God's amazing faithfulness, goodness, and mercy in watching over my sweet brother.  {Much like the memorial that the Children of Israel built so they would remember.  I want to remember God's amazing blessings.}

The biggest change in my current relationship with Bryan is that he no longer refers to me as "Sis."  He has also voiced that he does not want to travel with me ever again.  Both of these things have caused me to ugly cry more times than I care to count.  

The biggest blessing through all of this has been seeing my dearest friends come alongside me and walk with me through this.  

In talking to others who have walked a similar journey, it's a true mourning of the sibling I have grown-up with and the accepting of this new normal.

Two years ago, I walked with my friends as their son/brother/nephew was in Madison's Children's Hospital.  I remember not knowing what to say and asking God to help me just BE THERE for them.  

I have a handful of BE THERE friends and family in my life.  People that don't throw out trite sayings and that don't try to turn every opportunity into a let's-have-a-revival moment.  The people who see my red blotchy eyes and give me a hug.  The people who listen to me ramble about "times past" when I was Sis and Bry was Chunk.  People who stop in to my office and ask how I'm doing and when I fall apart, they just listen and offer their silent support.  Simple little "thinking of you" text messages.  Private Facebook messages.  These little snippets of grace have reminded me that I'm loved and cared about and prayed for. 

Some people ask me how I'm doing with all of this...  It hits me when I think about planning future adventures.  My traveling partner-in-crime no longer wants that role.  God can change that and heaven know that my 2018 Italy calendar is a testimony to my trust in God's ability to heal my brother's brain.   Reality is that he does not want to travel the world with his Sis. 

It also hits me when I want to call him and tell him something funny that happened at work...like this past week when we had a situation with a dynamic duo wanting to be the self-appointed lunch police special task force.  My brother would've gotten a kick out of it.  

I'm having a hard time saying "goodbye" to my old brother and embracing my new brother.  It's hard.  Soooo hard.  God is good.  God can orchestrate Bryan's healing.

Please help me (us) as I (we) walk this journey.  It's a little rocky and sometimes I (we) stumble and get fearful.   

Sincerely,
The girl who misses her sweet brother & finds herself ugly crying

If I could go back in time 8 months ago....

...I would hug this brother of mine and tell him how very much I love him and am proud of the amazing guy he is. 

Black Friday 2017

We colored and chatted and that was it.

Gray Saturday 2017

We call the day after Black Friday "Gray Saturday."

We met mom and dad for breakfast.

Bry and I went to a cute small business.

We put up his Christmas tree and enjoyed Jim Brickman's Christmas station.

We made 8 chocolate chip scones (and ate 4 of them warm right outta the oven).

We went on a 45 minute walk.

We watched a Christmas movie and ended the day with homemade oyster stew with mom and dad.

There's something about Celia...

A couple weeks ago I decided to bring Celia with me to see Uncle Bryan.  Bry has always loved my felines...even the biter. Rest in peace Mags.

I didn't tell him that I was bringing Celia.  I just showed-up at his apartment with Celia in her carrier.  He took one look at me and smiled...but when he noticed my traveling companion, his smile grew and he teared-up.  It was so beautiful.

There's something about having my sweet Celia sitting on your lap with her kitty-cat purr and warm fur.  She is comforting.  She is kind.  She loved on Bry.

Bry sent me this text tonight:
"Your kitty was so nice.
Thanks for bringing her along."

I read it to Celia and said, "Seeeeee...I told you he would seeing you!!!!!!"

Me and Chunk

My favorite picture with Bry....

This amazing guy is...

Forty-ish years ago I became a big sister.  I take this role very seriously.  I will always and forever be this guy's #1 fan.  I will be his advocate....his cheerleader...his let's-buy-something-ridiculous-at-the-thrift enabler.  I am my brother's keeper.

I love being his big sister.

I love that he has a heart of gold.  I love that he loves others.  I love that he is one of my bestest friends.  I love our past adventures and I look forward to future adventures.

I am so very blessed.

A fave of mine...

Chicago at Christmas

#prayforBryan #prayforGodswill

Selfishly...

Selfishly I pray, "Lord, please bring him back to us."

My brother is turning the big four-oooooh!!!!

To celebrate the big guy's big four-oooooh birthday, we met in the Windy City and went to the Tigers vs. White Sox game.  Ooooh and it was Star Wars night. 

We decided to spend the night outside of the city in Indiana.  Excellent decision because the baseball game started at 6 pm and by the time the game and the post-game fireworks ended, it was after 10 p.m.

Our Tigers won 6 to 3. 

The fireworks were set to John Williams' Star Wars soundtrack.  Aaaaamazing.

It was such a fun overnight adventure.

Blogging again

My wonderful brother fixed my computer.  Did you know that memory sticks can become loose and wreak havoc inside your computer CPU?  True story.

Bryan popped the lid, researched the hard drive error message, fiddled with the memory sticks and TADA - MY COMPUTER WORKS AGAIN!!!!!!!!

I love how very techy he is.  He saved me a lot of money.  What a guy.

Bryan and Charlotte

My brother is super laidback.  He goes along with whatever sisterly shenanigan I throw at him.  He is truly the best.  I love that guy!!!!

As he read the "Feed the giraffes" sign, I could tell this was something he really wanted to do.

Did I mention it was his birthday?

How can any good sister say "no" to her brother on his birthday? 

In the history of siblings worldwide, has there ever been a sister to deny a brother's birthday request???  ...I mean, especially since said request was FABUUUUUULOUS!!!!!!!!

We went ahead and fed the giraffes while mom kept a close eye on our water bottles.  No beverages were allowed near the giraffes.  And the shaded area was calling mom's name.

The wait line moved along pretty quickly. 

As we approached the available giraffe, we were informed that he name was Charlotte.  She is the oldest giraffe at the zoo celebrating her 15th year.  Lastly - my favorite Charlotte fact - she loves her some food.  She's a foodie!!!!!!!!

We fed her Romaine lettuce leaves.  The 3 giraffes eat approximately 5 to 7 coolers-full of lettuce every day.

Oh and we learned a giraffe's heart weighs 20 pounds.

Bryan's birthday zoo trip pics

In no particular order...