Since October...

I've been nervous about blogging about life since October.  Isn't that just ridiculous?  I guess a part of me realizes that blogging about this journey God has put me (and my family) on will make me (us) vulnerable.

The past couple of weeks the Lord has put this on my heart to blog about this journey because we are not the only ones going through this type of situation.  Yes, it's my (our) journey but I (we) am not alone.

I'd like to begin this post by thanking God Almighty for coming alongside of me (us) and taking my (our) hand...walking beside me and upholding me.

God has put some very dear people in my life that have kept tabs on me...that have supported my parents...that have cared A LOT about my sweet brother.

In October my brother underwent a conundrum of sorts. 

On a Sunday evening when I normally turn off my cellphone at circa 9 p.m., God mercifully kept me awake later than usual...and He through a miracle in-and-of-itself worked out every detail so that my cellphone would be left on later than usual.  He gave me the wherewithal to contact my dearest friend who was brave enough to call complete strangers and ask them for a favor.  These same strangers opened up their house to my brother.  Angels surrounded my brother's car as he maneuvered it to said friends' home.  Through another serious of amazing events - God brought my brother to a place where he could get care.  

The events that surrounded Columbus Day 2017 will forever be a memorial in my heart of God's amazing faithfulness, goodness, and mercy in watching over my sweet brother.  {Much like the memorial that the Children of Israel built so they would remember.  I want to remember God's amazing blessings.}

The biggest change in my current relationship with Bryan is that he no longer refers to me as "Sis."  He has also voiced that he does not want to travel with me ever again.  Both of these things have caused me to ugly cry more times than I care to count.  

The biggest blessing through all of this has been seeing my dearest friends come alongside me and walk with me through this.  

In talking to others who have walked a similar journey, it's a true mourning of the sibling I have grown-up with and the accepting of this new normal.

Two years ago, I walked with my friends as their son/brother/nephew was in Madison's Children's Hospital.  I remember not knowing what to say and asking God to help me just BE THERE for them.  

I have a handful of BE THERE friends and family in my life.  People that don't throw out trite sayings and that don't try to turn every opportunity into a let's-have-a-revival moment.  The people who see my red blotchy eyes and give me a hug.  The people who listen to me ramble about "times past" when I was Sis and Bry was Chunk.  People who stop in to my office and ask how I'm doing and when I fall apart, they just listen and offer their silent support.  Simple little "thinking of you" text messages.  Private Facebook messages.  These little snippets of grace have reminded me that I'm loved and cared about and prayed for. 

Some people ask me how I'm doing with all of this...  It hits me when I think about planning future adventures.  My traveling partner-in-crime no longer wants that role.  God can change that and heaven know that my 2018 Italy calendar is a testimony to my trust in God's ability to heal my brother's brain.   Reality is that he does not want to travel the world with his Sis. 

It also hits me when I want to call him and tell him something funny that happened at work...like this past week when we had a situation with a dynamic duo wanting to be the self-appointed lunch police special task force.  My brother would've gotten a kick out of it.  

I'm having a hard time saying "goodbye" to my old brother and embracing my new brother.  It's hard.  Soooo hard.  God is good.  God can orchestrate Bryan's healing.

Please help me (us) as I (we) walk this journey.  It's a little rocky and sometimes I (we) stumble and get fearful.   

Sincerely,
The girl who misses her sweet brother & finds herself ugly crying