So I am reading a book....

....that was recommended by a fictional friend.  The book is "Far from the Madding Crowd" by Thomas Hardy.  It was recommended by the main character from "The Heart Between Us."

I am also reading this classic because I know there's a movie based on it and I am a read-it-before-I-watch it gal.

My daily thing

Slowly, and I do mean slooooooowly, I have been getting back to me.  Getting back to being true-blue-Angie Good. 

I lost me. 
In the muddle of the turmoil, I lost me.
I was there deep down inside.
I just needed to break-off and step back.

And step back, I did.
Step back and separated.

Harvest has been such a blessing in my life.  I do regret not making the move sooner.  Fear kept me paralyzed from moving.

Thank the Lord for giving me bravery and for moving me.

And now...back to me...
One of the biggest blessings has been - figuring out my work peeps' love languages.  It's a mystery and when I solve it, I throw their language around like CONFETTI!!!

My most recent discovery has yielded abundant rewards.  :)

Don't know what love languages are?  Go to the library and search for Gary Chapman's book.  Read it.  You will thank me later.

Leaving and not re-filling...

Two of my dearest friends are moving away.
My bookclub has moved from Tuesday evenings to during the day.  Gone.
My tutoring club also went from Tuesday evenings to during the school day.

Even though the aforementioned favorites in my life are moving or leaving me, I've decided to not re-fill my life with other things on Tuesday nights.  

I have the chance to join the Book Club Tribe at Harvest.  Tribes are kicked-off on Friday, September 28th.  Our first book club will meet the end of October to discuss Elizabeth Prentiss' writing Stepping Heavenward.  

My copy of the book arrived yesterday.  

As far as tutoring, I'm not going to fill that space.

I'm going to get back to going to the gym and scheduling Angie time.  

Purging and 5 choices

Well....I am reading 2 books at once. The first is about a minimalist's perspective.  The second is about making 5 different choices to be more productive.

Both books have homework.  Homework that yours truly is not doing. 

The minimalist homework is to go through my whole house and purge.  I have 3 piles:
1. Keep
2. Maybe
3. Toss

Keep is for what I use and love.

Maybe is crap that I maybe should keep and maybe should toss.  The maybe items will be boxed-up for 6 months.  If I don't use them or miss them, they have to go bye-bye.

Toss is for compromised clothes and items.  Also stuff I have duplicates of and stuff I don't love / need.

I have gotten through...
1. My closet
2. My junk drawer
3. A basket that is sort of catch-all
4. My pots and pans

There is soooo much more to go through. 

I have a tote of stuff to take to the consignment shop and a HUGE bag to donate to Agrace thrift in Janesville. 

My 5 decisions to productivity's homework is to determine my labels and classify them Q1 through Q4.  I want to copy the chart and post it in my office. 

So much to do...and now I wish I had a good FLUFF book to dive in to and get lost.  *Sigh*

A great quote

I'm reading Steven Covey's book titled, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  GREAT READ!!!!  Mr. Covey has done a bang-up job explaining interdependent relationships and how to improve yourself.

On page 96, he writes, "Anytime we think the problem is 'out there,' that thought is the problem.  We empower what's out there to control us.  The change paradigm is 'outside-in' - what's out there has to change before can change.  The proactive approach is to change from the inside-out: to be different, and by being different, to effect positive change in what's out there - I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be more creative, I can be more cooperative."

I'm going to start copying pages out of this book and posting his quotes around the office.  

T-minus 70 hours

I HAVE 70 HOURS TO GET THROUGH MY JULY BOOKCLUB BOOK.  July?  Yes, I have had 2 months and now it's t-minus 70 hours and I just finished downloading it.  Here's what happened....

I actually checked it out from the bibliotecca (that's Spanish for library) in June....

...and then I fiddle-farted around and someone had put a hold on it....

...so instead of keeping it at a rate of what?  $0.50 per day, I returned it on time....

...and then I slowly watched day after day tick away and me not reading THIS book.

I did finish 2 good books and read cover-to-cover my Cleaning Eating magazine...but no July bookclub book.

Here's hoping I can get through it.  Perhaps some pages can be read inbetween services tomorrow as I am running the jumbotron.  :)

A teal covered library book.

I love the color teal.
On my computer desk/table at home (yes, I, Angela Good, bought a computer desk/table and have actually got my computer setup and working - minus the speakers because I can't seem to figure out how to make them work.  Bryan, they are plugged in.)...where was I?  Oh yes, on my computer desk/table, I have a teal picture frame with a photo of Bryan and me. 

My double papasan has a teal cushion.

Teal accents are sprinkled around my craftroom. 

My kitchen is pretty much teal and red.

My coffee station is a chalk painted teal dresser.

I love teal.

A couple weeks ago while perusing the nonfiction section at the library, I stumbled upon a teal book with an intriguing title, "Party of One."  The "a" in party is a cute little, black dress.  The cover charmed me so much that I read the back and decided to give Joy Beth Smith my undivided attention when I checked out her book.

Can I just WOW!  I mean W-O-O-O-O-W!  She addresses so many intricate details about being a single Christian adult.  She debunks lame and well-intended dating advice.  She addresses so many facets of single life.  Facets that the church is neglecting. 

When I got to page 184, I said to myself, "Angie Good, you need to put this on your blog" soooo here goes....

Joy Beth writes:
"My life, my significance, doesn't begin at the altar, and I wish I felt like the church acknowledged this truth.  Instead the church feels centered around marriage.  The Christian market is saturated with marriage books, marriage workbooks, marriage workshops, marriage conferences, marriage articles, marriage sermon series, marriage seminars, and marriage devotionals.

Some may respond by saying this market is comparable to the number of married people who regularly attend church.  But it might be a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If your ministry is only ministering to married people because the majority of those who attend are married, you will never grow in the number of singles you attract (nor will you grow in empathy toward the singles in your church).  A church that waits to ministers to singles until there's a large percentage will never have to adjust their heavy emphasis on marriage; singles will leave long before then. 

But still churches and conferences and books insist that marriage is the norm, that it is the desired, inevitable end, so it only makes sense to utilize your singleness as a road to make you better in marriage.  Instead of helping all people, much less singles, grow into Christlikeness and learn to love and know Christ more, we teach how to become better wives and mothers and husbands and fathers.

For a long time, I took this advice.  I started trying to cook more, ordering those fancy boxes of food that have step-by-step directions and ingredients included.  On my first go, I burned butter so badly I had to throw away the pan.  By the end of the third box, I was microwaving most of the ingredients in a single bowl and eating while standing of the sink.  Wife fail...

You see, I tried to be a better wife for years, and when that comes I'm going to be awesome.  But I've kind of sucked at a lot of other stuff because I put so much effort into the hope of something that may never come to fruition. 

" ' That's such a small view of what the Christian life is,' Jenny says, referencing this idea that singleness is meant to prepare you for marriage.  'It's telling you that your ultimate goal is to be a good wife and mother one day, but there's so much more to being a Christian woman and advancing the kingdom of God and being a part of the church.  You shouldn't be growing in those skills to be a wife; you should be growing in them so you can serve the Lord.  This lie is telling you that your strengths and skills are limited to your family, and they're not.' "

I could type the remainder of this chapter. 

I love Joy Beth's insight and fabulous wit.  I would love nothing more to meet up with her in the Windy City for a cup of coffee. 

Church leadership (from Pastor to Deacons/Elders to Sunday school teachers to youth ministry workers) should read this book.  I, also, think this book would be good for married people to read in order to get solid insight to their single friend's minds/hearts. 

I hope Joy Beth writes another book!!!

I FINISHED IT TODAY!!!!!!!!

Between reading 45 minutes past my bedtime last night and binge-reading during my two breaks, I finished Rachel Hauck's fabulous literary work titled "The Writing Desk."

Amazing!  Charming!  Delightful characters.  A warm story of redemption and grace.

And now I suffer from a book-hangover.

Thankfully I discovered two of her books at the library closest to my place of employment.  I picked up "The Wedding Chapel" and "Dining with Joy."

If you are looking for a new author, check out Rachel Hauck!!!!

101

I just realized that I ONLY HAVE 101 PAGES LEFT IN MY BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my goodness!!!!!!!!!  That means there are 101 pages for this who thing to get wrapped-up.  WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH LOED MONTAGUE AND BIRDIE???  AND WHAT ABOUT TENLEY AND JONAS???

I did happen to glance back at the 2nd to the last page of the book and HIP HIP HOORAAAAAAAY - there are no book discussion questions.  My friend Sara can enliggren you of my true feelings of robbery over the premature literature endings due to book discussion questions or snippets from the next book.  No questions.  No snippets.  Write to the end.

If I had a complete disregard for work and a poor work ethic, I would spend the entire day tomorrow sneaking reading breaks.  I just can't.  And let me just say if you saw my desk, you would say, "For the love of all things good, what happened????  Did the file cabinet barf on your desktop???  PLEASE WORK IF ONLY TO CLEAN OFF YOUR DESK!!!!!"

It ain't pretty.  That's not even me being modest or whatnot.  Nope.  That's the painful truth...it's not really setting me free tonight.

Enough about my desk...back to my book...

Title:  "The Writing Desk"
Author:  Rachel Hauck

Read her books.
Read ALL of her books.
You can thank me later.

114 pages

I have given my June bookclub book well-over two hours of my life.  Twoooo hours that I will never be able to get back.  One hundred fourteen pages...and what do I have to show for this?

1. A nightmare or two
2. A twitch when I see the bookcover
3. Several quasi-motivational speeches to me from me (XOXOXOX!!!!)
4. A very big UNdesire to finish this book
5. Why did the Milton-quoter have to receive a blow to the hwad and then stitches...and then his wound kept having issues and it just made me squeamish?

Seriously.  I can't read anymore. 

The book and I started our relationship off on the wrong foot when I was thrown head-first into dialogue without ANY background on the characters.

I still do not know who the "Burglar Vicar" is, nor why is everyone looking for him because on one page he is nice and the victim and the next BAM - there's mystery.

I just can't live my life with this pressure.  I can't be in this relationship anymore.

To the book I say, "We must break-up.  It's not me though, it's all YOU!!!!!  It's O-V-A!!!!!"

I read to get swept away into the land of fiction.  I don't mind a little suspense.  A LITTLE.  MUY LITTLE.

Sooo I started reading Janette Oke's "Canadian West" series

Since I am now a total fan of Hallmark's "When Calls the Heart" series, I thought I would read or maybe it's re-read Janette's series.  (I read so many books before I discovered the Goodreads website.)

Well...I just finished book #1.  Guess what?  The sweet little boy dies.  DIES!!!!!  The poor fellow who cheered everyone on to do their best.  Yeah - that kid.  He passed away.  I cannot believe Janette Oke did this.  I expect that from the heartless producers of the "Hunger Games" movie #1.  (Gloria made me watch that.  A fight to the death.  I am not the kind of gal who watches that.) 

I read the chapter when he perished about 3 hours ago and I still cannot believe he perished. 

Book 2 arrived!!!!!!

My gym membership includes a reward program.  Said program now includes Fiction / Literature.

Last month we read Book #1 of the Out of Egypt series.  It was great!!!!  It's an Egyptian girl's account of the Plagues. 

Last week I turned in 2,000 points in exchange for Book #2!!!!!

Thanks to my gym diligence, I will now spend the weekend binge-reading ad avoiding cleaning my apartment.  Kidding - I will sort of clean.  Not white glove but clean sort of. 

My new study

I just cracked open "Present over Perfect" and feel very connected to its fabulous author, Shauna Niequest.

Page 28...and I am calling it quits tonight for a couple reasons...
A. Yesterday I went from work to Woodman's for groceries to the gym to hime where I ripped out my contact lenses before going to Lori's and lastly I Skyped with Uhura.
B. I don't want to rush through this study.  I want to stop being frazzled and rushed. I want to embrace being present.
C. I have to be nice to others tomorrow.  Adulting is hard.  

Penguins

I would love a pet penguin. 

Are you completely shocked that I, Angela Good, would like a pet penguin?  I mean penguins are in the bird family.

Tis true.  I would like a penguin.

I blame the book "Mr. Poppers Penguins."  This book romanticized penguin ownership in my once upon a time 3rd grade love-to-read brain.

Thanks Mr. P. 

On Sunday while at the Toledo Zoo, we walked through the coolest penguin display.  The penguins were literally feet from us.  We had to keep our fingers out of the fence slots because a very monotone zoo worker announced, "the penguins will bite." 

I wanted to smuggle this penguin home with me.  I, however, did not plan well because I wore a crossbody purse.  This penguin would not have fit into my purse.

And so next time...

...which this means my smuggling will be premeditated.

Danger!

Fontana Beach @ Lake Geneva

This morning I woke-up not really motivated to go to Lake Geneva.  Is that not the saddest thing you've read today?  I mean - WE ARE TALKING ABOUT LAKE GENEVA!!!!!  HELLOOOOOOOO!  It's the place I daydream about while sitting outside on my breaks at work.  It's the place where I've spent many-a-mental health day.  Why was I not in the mood to go to one of my favorite places...and BONUS there's a really nice coffeeshop, resale shop, and Goodwill all near the beach.

After consuming some coffee and breakfast, I went to the gym.  Might as well get that checked off my list before taking a shower.  Yes, I went to the gym with crazy hair.  Not too crazy as I had controlled the nonsense with a headband.  One of those stretchy cloth headbands that Audrey makes look soo cool and hip.  I said to myself, "What would Aud do?"  Clearly that girl would wear a fun stretchy headband.  

While at the gym, my phone chimed and said my library book hold was ready for pick-up THUS SOLVING MY BEACH CONUNDRUM!!!!  You see - before said text - I did not have a good beach read readily available.  I had a book for mini-stories...which I really wasn't enjoying.  I mean, I am 200 pages in to this book but I do not like stories that are 50 pages.  It's a bit Janette Oke-y.  (Okey....LOL!)  What I mean is - how is it real life if you meet someone and marry them the next day?  Disclaimer - the book of multiple stories did not have anyone meeting on a Saturday and marrying on the following Sunday.  My biggest pet peeve was I wanted more storyline.  Well, I guess I should not have picked a book with 300 pages and 9 separate stories.  Do the math...30ish pages for each...although 1 story had 50ish so that means one was shorted 20ish pages.  My book / story struggles are very real.  

Soooo where was I?  Oh yes - the library text me that my hold was ready.  A book that my best friend recommended and I have been trying to be patient while I wait for it.  Someone had the nerve to check it out before me...and then I had to wait.  Is it appropriate to pray for the other patron to "speed read and devour the book so I may read it sooner rather than later"?  I hope that's legit...cause I may or may not have prayed as such.  

I grabbed the book from the library {and 5 others...one of which said on the cover "If you love (insert the name of my held book), you are going to love this book!!!!}, consumed lunch and was happily leaving Rockford at circa 12:25.  Oooh and I had an iced-mocha-made-in-my-Ninja in hand.  Not to brag because pride comes before the fall, but I think I have managed to master the art of made-at-home mochas.  It took a couple tries...one of which pained me to drink it.  Note:  If the recipe says "liquid" sweetner, substituting SUGAR IN THE RAW (crystals) will not have the same effect.  It will not sweeten the beverage.  The trick was the brew coffee and then pour it into a glass measuring container and add Sugar in the Raw and let the crystals melt.  Jackpot!!!!  

When I arrived at Fontana, I selected a place in the sand near the entrance...where the wave wall keeps the water at bay.  I wasn't in the mood to swim today - perhaps next time.  Today I was there for the waves and the ambiance.  

What does one need to have in his / her beach bag?  A twin flat sheet to place on the sand - for an extended area.  A beach towel to place ontop of said sheet.  Sunscreen - Sun Bum spf 50 is my preference.  A bottle of water, a snack, and a good read.  

After nearly 3 hours of spending time reading...time staring at the clouds...time staring at the beautiful lake, I was ready to head home.

I packed up my bag and headed for Rosie.  

My GPS (Marge) took Rosie and I a different way home.  I've gone the way of Marge, but not recently.  It was a nice country-ish drive...which I always love.  Don't get me wrong - I like the highway when it comes to work days...but on the weekends, I like not being in the city.  The drive home was lovely and laidback.

And now it's Saturday night...my washing machine is whirling.  There's a beautiful praise song playing on the radio.  The hum of my air conditioner unit is a peaceful reminder that it will be a cool night's sleep.  {I haven't had my AC on all week.  It cooled off...and then the low humidity kept it nice inside...but today it was 92 degrees AND humid. Humidity...ick!  It does bad things to my curls...and it makes for miserable sleeping.}

I do hope I get to repeat this day atleast a couple more times before Autumn.  

I finished "Keep It Shut!" by Karen Ehman.

This study totally stepped on my toes.  Stop and consider your words.  Weigh them.  Ask yourself, "Would I say this (or repeat this) if the person was sitting right here?"  Speak words of courage because they could be life-changing.

Karen shared one of her wonderful ministry opportunities.  Before the beginning of Lent (even though she does not observe Lent), she purchases 40 notecards and 40 stamps.  Each day for 40 days, she sends one handwritten note.  The note may contain 1 or 2 sentences or it may be an actual letter.  A note of encouragement.  A note of thanks.  A note of a shared memory.  I LOVE THIS IDEA!!!  I LOVE THIS IDEA SOOO VERY MUCH!!!!!!

"Dear Mr. Knightley" by Katherine Reay

I really, really, really, really, really, really want to get back to bookclub.  I stopped in October because of Ireland and I've not yet re-prioritized it back in my life.  It's not been on my Hacienda which is quite tragic.

I've decided that April will be my big return to bookclub.  Hahahahaha.  Since it was not on my Hacienda, the CE committee at church scheduled a meeting and I did not give bookclub a thought.  It's sad too because I actually read and LOVED the April book club book - "The Bronte Plot" by Katherine Reay.  

I read through that book in just a few days.  Yes, it was like a binge-reading because once I started reading, the characters called to me and I became a part of the story.

I noticed on Goodreads that Miss Reay has 2 other books - "Lizzy and Jane" and "Dear Mr. Knightley."  

It took me a couple attempts but I managed to find both books at the North Suburban Library.  

I read the Bronte one first since it was for bookclub and this new I-shall-return-to-bookclub moment was invigorating!!!

Followed by "Lizzy and Jane" - which will totally make you cry.  Weep even.  It's a sisterly bond sort of read and I highly recommend it.

And lastly I'm reading "Dear Mr. Knightley."  I'm about 88% through this book and I just realized today...let me start over...I JUST REALIZED TODAY THAT I WILL MORE THAN LIKELY FINISH THIS BOOK TONIGHT AND THEN HAVE A BOOK-HANGOVER TOMORROW!!!  

I mean, I want to finish the book because I want to know how it ends with Alex.  But at the same time, I don't want it to end...but I know it will end in 40-something pages.

Oh - did I mention that the library only had these books in LARGE print.  No eye strain.  No stress to my little eyeballs.  It's been lovely reading and my eyes are enjoying it too....

I feel the ending of this book coming closer and I want to slow down time.  Infact today on one of my breaks, I purposefully knitted as opposed to read and get closer to the end.  

It's a struggle.  

I love these characters.

I may have to ask Miss Reay to write another book.

There.  That's what I will do.

And perhaps in the meantime, I can dive into Jane Austen's works...

My February Blog Project ~ February 5th ~ Reading

After a week of people-ing and adulting, I can come home on a Friday night and silence my cellphone, grab a snack, and binge-read. 

I can also stay up until the wee hours of the morning to finish a book.  I must say that I have done this.  I have disrespected the following day by finishing up a wonderful book.  I confess I did it and I will probably do it again.

I am currently completely wrapped up in Lynn Austin's The Restoration Chronicles.   

Celia's judgment

I can read as late as I want without anyone judging my poor decision.  Technically, Celia judges me.  Oh, you would like proof? 

An Excerpt from "Who's Picking Me Up from the Airport?" by Cindy Johnson

While traveling home from my New Year's Montana adventure, I started re-reading Cindy Johnson's wonderful book, Who's Picking Me Up from the Airport?

Some time ago, I had downloaded said book to my Nook.  I devoured it and then sort of forgot about it.  {I'm so fickle sometimes.}

I want to share an excerpt from her book...actually it might not be an "excerpt."  It's a note to married people.  {Found on page 39 of the Nook version.}

"A Note to Married People:  What Not to Say to Your Single Friends...
{I'm skipping Cindy's introduction and jumping right to her list.}
1. Don't talk crap on your single friends' exes.  Here's the deal: We loved them.  Even when they were terrible guys.  Just like you love your husband, the guy we would never talk bad about even when he messes up.  There is a time and a place for your real opinion.  We'll let you know when that is.

2. Don't tell your single friends it's about being content.  Most of the world gets married.  You got married.  Especially in Christian American circles, marriage starts fairly young and as hard as it is to go without it at times, it's much worse when someone makes you feel guilty for wanting it.

Please be careful not to imply that we should feel content with God either.  All we take away is that in addition to being single, we are also doing a terrible job following Jesus.  There is room in the Christian life to be sad.  There is room to be frustrated.  We are often so quick to rush people into being okay that we make them feel it's wrong to be anything short of content.

3. Don't compare your single friends' adult relationships to your high school or college ones.  We understand you dated him for four-plus years.  We're sure it was meaningful.  No one is saying it's not.  But adult relationships and teenage ones are different ball games.  Adult relationships typically start out on a serious foot.  If we break up, it isn't just about taking down a few sorority dance pictures; we are breaking up with an entire future.  The wedding, the house, and the growing old together that we most likely talked about with our ex will never come to pass.  Nearly every friend I've walked through an adult breakup with has turned to me at some point and said, 'I feel like I'm going through a divorce.'

4. Please don't complain in front of your single friends about having to have sex with your husband.  Save that for your married friends.  One friend wrote, 'If you want to have an honest conversation about how your expectations for sex have changed, by all means, share.  We absolutely care about that.  But don't make flippant comments on how put our you are by your active sex life. Some of us are holding on by the skin of our teeth here!'

5. Don't call your single friends at 10:00 a.m. and ask them if they're awake yet.  We're single, not children.  Please don't forget to ask us for advice on finances or business.  We still have life experience outside of relationship experience.  Also, don't always gives us the back seat or the pullout couch on vacation while the marrieds take the beds.  We all like a good mattress.  And you know it.

6. Remember that you don't understand what it's like to be alone at this age.  If we come to you hurting, venting, or complaining, please don't find a way to work in the fact that you think we should be happy.  (Unless we've done it a hundred times and need to snap out of it.  We need a good kick every once in awhile too.)  Doing everything by ourselves that we thought we'd do with a spouse can be rough at times.

A lady at my church asked me once is she could pray for me.  I had just ended my relationship with Jake and quit my job (because I thought I would be moving to where he was).  I tried to explain to her that I had no idea how to rebuild my life at this point.  I had no direction and no one to tie me down somewhere.  She listened and began her prayer this way, 'Lord, please help Cindy to see the beauty in her opportunity and independence.  Help her to see that people would kill for her freedom and to be thankful.'

At that time, I'd had enough freedom.  I wanted to settle down with someone.  Being single doesn't always feel like opportunity.  Some days it feels like being lost and behind.  Even with a full social life of friends and family, the truth is we eat most meals along.  We drive alone, come home to an empty house, and put our suitcases in the overhead storage compartment all by ourselves.  If you're married, you must likely don't live that way.

I know there are busy moms who would kill for some alone time.  There are married people who would love the luxury of a trip with girlfriends.  I get (in theory) that having kids and a spouse is stressful, hard work, and a ton of responsibility.  It's probably good and bad depending on the day.  The same goes for being single.  It isn't perfect on either side.

7. Don't set two single Christian friends up just because they are both Christians.  If our only common denominators are single and religion, stop yourself.  Please use some judgement when orchestrating these setups.

8. Don't forget to set up your single friends.  Married friends will often say, 'I know someone you have to meet!  You would be perfect together.' And then that's the last anyone ever hears of it.  Don't be fooled; we are totally reliant on you to get that ball rolling.  Make the phone call, organize the BBQ, send them the number!  If it's someone you truly think is a good fit, we'll be grateful.  And even toast you at the wedding...if you actually come through.

9a. Don't make your single friends' love life, or lack thereof, the most pressing thing to inquire about every time you see them.  (As though everything else in our lives is subpar.)  One friend wrote, 'I often get random encouraging cards from my married friends saying, I don't know why you haven't found someone, but know that I'm praying for Mr. Right to come soon.  I don't really appreciate this.  I mean, thank you for praying, but I'm also concerned with finding a career, mentoring high school girls, and navigating healthy relationships with my crazy retired parents who may kill each other if I don't check in on them every week!  Since you're already praying, could you add those to the top of the list?

When our married friends make our dating lives the center of attention, we sense pity.  We wonder why the other parts of our lives don't matter as much as this one area we can't control.  I imagine it would feel the same if we asked only about your baby and never about you.  Yes, the baby is taking up most of your attention, but you are still valuable in other ways.

9b. Don't ask your single friends for detailed updates about their relationships and not be honest about your marriage.  For some reason, everyone and their mother feels they can ask about my dating life.  If I have a boyfriend at the time, they immediately want to know how it's going and when we are getting married.  Look, if I'm not telling you I'm engaged, it's probably something he and I are carefully sorting through.  I'd prefer not to go around blabbing about it.  And unfortunately it would be wildly inappropriate for me to return the inquiry with, 'How's your marriage going?' I may as well ask, 'How are your finances?  How's your diet?  How often are you two having sex?' Off limits.

Sharing details communicates a level of friendship and trust.  With our close married friends, single people want to be confided in with equal vulnerability.  If you aren't going to ante up, don't ask us to just so you can be in the loop or give us your two cents...

Whether they've been married exactly 13 days or this is their first serious relationship and my fifth, I'm always the student in the situation.  It's not a great climate for growing a friendship, as you can imagine.

10. Don't count your single friends out as aunties!  We may not have the baby skills on lock-down, but we do care.  we do want to be at important milestones, buy baby clothes, and one day tell your kids college stories about you that you'd prefer we didn't share.  We do want to have dinner at your house with the family (and then grab a drink - COFFEE! - after you put them to bed).

11. Don't assume every single person is looking for a relationship.  I would argue that deep down, 97 percent are looking.  (This is not a real statistic; I completely made it up on my own.) Still, the 3 percent who don't want a relationship do matter, and it's important to know where a friend stands.  Don't be quick to put your expectations on them.

Equally as important:  Don't assume someone who wants to get married someday is always looking.  I've gone through several phases in my adult singleness.  There are times I really want to meet someone and times I'm very glad to be on my own.  There are seasons when I'm open to dating and seasons when I say no because I'm excited about investing in other things.  It's best to ask where we are as opposed to jumping to your own conclusion...

In summation, all people, married and single, want to feel like their stage of life is okay.  We all want to feel like we are on the right track.  It can hurt to feel like everyone is waiting, prodding, expecting, or feeling bad about the way your life is going.  This tends to come out in the way we talk to each other.  It's important for both sides to listen and kindly choose our words carefully."